| Even in the worst of moments sleep will give you peace |
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[20 Jun 2005|03:19pm] |
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1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will post the answers to the questions (and the questions themselves) on your LJ.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. And thus the endless cycle of the meme goes on and on and on and on.....
Kaffy's questions to me:
1. What's your PERFECT PIZZA? (Man, I'm running out of questions...) Heh umm...mushrooms, italian sausage, and peperoni.
2. What do you know about your identity after APAC? I know that I am what my potential to be is.
3. What... is your greatest flaw? I am naive, a bad judge of character, and overly sensitive
4. What's your view on dating? You should only date people you can see yourself someday marring, Make a "dream list" of must's and should's and do not negotiate your must's
5. What's your favorite hobby? Reading, writing, drawing
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[15 Jun 2005|01:39pm] |
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Hyori & Eric -Any Motion |
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I love how cute the music video is to this song. It's in Korean, so I don't understand it, but the MV is really adorable. It's about this guy (eric) who like a girl (hyori). The girl wants to be a hiphop artist, but is in a creative block. One night he sees her at a club and these guys chase her out. Eric saves her, but ends up getting her cell by accident. He sees pictures of her dancing, so he gets a police man, boxer, and baller to all do moves while he records it. He gives her back the phone while she's not looking, and she makes a dance using the three people as inspiration. After a practice he is there with the others and she figures it out.
I love stuff like that, it's so sweet.
Heh, I said I'd quit LJ for Xanga, but other people are using LJ so I'll do both. It's okay. I got an e-mail from Sky yesterday about how he bought me something for my b-day (June 12 ^_~), and I don't know what to say. That was sweet, but I didn't want anything from him. I told him the day before intentionally so he wouldn't, but I guess it didn't work. I don't want to lie, but I don't want to say something mean or ungrateful either. He seemed sad when I told him anyway because he had wanted to celebrate it with me... I don't mind, just thinking about Sky makes me really happy. ^_^
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[24 Apr 2005|08:20pm] |
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You have a twisted soul! Twisted Souls are never
bad, and actually, are a rarity amongst souls.
These souls are a little combination of
everything, with always a little of their own
chaos to add. Twisted Souls are kind, loving,
weird, zany, temperamental, and very talented.
They have their own firm opinion, and can at
one time be very outspoken and passionate, and
the other time shy and feeling insignificant.
Twisted Souls have good senses of Humor and
other times can be a bore. You can act quite
intelligent at one time, and grasp concepts
easily, while other times they can find it
difficult to understand. Twisted Souls are
always very fun and Kind, and can be party
animals. But, if you love someone, youre
serious about it, intense, and forever loyal.
Congratulations-the world should have more like
you.
What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the most important person in his life. He
would do anything to see you smile. Actually,
he would be the PERFECT boyfriend. Always
getting lost in your eyes, always treating you
like a princes and always saying a joke to make
you laugh your head off while he smiles at your
hysteric laughter. Yup, he is the person you
were destined to fall in love with.
What kind of boyfriend would you have?(with pics and obviously for girls^^)
brought to you by Quizilla
You're a Spring. You usually are very close-knit
with your friends and value everyone freidnship
you have. You're a real people person and
everyone loves how friendly you are. You're
good with encouraging people but usually don't
like to be the center of attention. You are a
social butterfly and probably are in several
circles of friends but it's just because you're
well liked and you make people comfortable.
You're both fun and wise but you are very
realistic about life.
What season are you? (pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.
Slim Wings
What Kind of Wings are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test
You came from heaven. Your gole in life is to help
others and to make the world a better place.
Some call you weak, but in reality your soul is
very strong. If only more people were like
you...
Where did you come from?
brought to you by Quizilla
You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
img src="http://images.quizilla.com/R/Ruri-chan/1039891556_Agreen.JPG" border="0" alt="greenhair">
Your anime hair color is green.
What is your anime hair color?
brought to you by Quizilla
img src="http://images.quizilla.com/1034056346_Vyse2.jpg" border="0" alt="">
You are a Day Dreamer..
Daydreamers tend to be away from the normal, and
have a deeper aspect when looking at things.
Most of the time, thier outcasts of the social
society, but don't worry. It just means your so
deep it scares thier simple little brains.
What kind of Dreamer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Siori - Summer. You love nature, and you
live within it!! Animals love you!! You are a
happy and caring person, and no one messes with
you.
Which YUKIRIN CG are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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[25 Oct 2004|04:06pm] |
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Sociability |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Assertiveness ||||||||||||||| 50%
Activity Level |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Excitement-Seeking |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Enthusiasm ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Extroversion ||||||||||||||||||||| 64%
Trust |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Morality ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Altruism |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Cooperation ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Modesty ||||||||||||||| 46%
Sympathy |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Friendliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Confidence ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Neatness |||||||||||| 38%
Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Achievement ||||||||||||||| 50%
Self-Discipline |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Cautiousness ||||||||||||||| 42%
Orderliness |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Anxiety ||||||||||||||| 50%
Volatility ||||||||| 30%
Depression |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Self-Consciousness ||||||||||||||| 46%
Impulsiveness |||||||||||| 38%
Vulnerability |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||| 46%
Imagination ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Artistic Interests |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Introspection ||||||||||||||| 50%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Intellect ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Liberalism ||||||||||||||| 42%
Openmindedness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
I wonder how accurate this is...it says I'm very vulnerable and depressed...and that I have much emotional stability...Is that true? Am I this weak?
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[15 Jul 2004|05:48pm] |
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Sam found out my future with tarot cards. o.o It's weird, I know, but at the kinda cool. Here it is.
Right now, you're going through, an early success, in some endeavor, but confusion lies, as your relationship with Dale, changes for the better.On the outside, people see a conflict, between your ideals, and others. And all this confusion stems from a time, where you shall have to show generosity, towards someone. The things that influenced your past decisions, came from a time where you had to give up something, and head into the unknown. Your future decisions, are based on a shameful confrontation. But, making it through this confrontation, allows for a free flow of creative energy. Your current good luck, came from, or will be hampered by in the near future, by a difficult "work" decision.Care and forethought, are necessary, to choose correctly. Others invision you, and your current success, as the sudden change to good luck, that cycles through everyone's life. You may somewhat be riddled, by fear of spiteful gossip, about your success. Envy is a part of human nature, and its not uncommon for this sentiment to be shown. But, in the end, you will ultimately achieve well earned praise.
You're "up to 6 month" prediction, is ultimately, praise.
Yay? o.o;;
Ja ne
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[12 Jul 2004|01:44pm] |
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Fehs, it takes 45 minutes to bike to school and a litte over an hour to get back...That was all uber stinky, my legs are all e.e rignt now, and I have to go drive later today...at 6. I fell asleep for a couple minutes too, I know, it's bad. x.x;
I saw a friend while I was looking too, he was doing weight training for football. I got a massage. n.n; I'm all jealous, I can't give good ones, but he got me to relax and all with it. I've been tense for a long time. oo; When Mitch gives me them it takes him so long to get me relaxed. x.x
Lastly I was thinking about why I wanted to be a physician...It's weird, I couldn't remember. oo; Like..I knew why I thought it'd be cool now, but in the first place...I think I may want to be a teacher again...But then again, I dunno. It sounds so cool, and I could write and be a youth leader. n.n Still, I've always wanted to be a doctor. x.x I'll have to figure it out soon. That's all ^_^ Ja ne.
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[11 Jul 2004|03:02pm] |
It was so weird today. o.o; Me and meh daddeh were shopping and such and we were in this check out line. Ands the guy there was all "are you in high school or college?" We started talking and such ands when we left meh dad started laughing. oo; I asked him why and he said that guy was trying to flirt with me and I wasn't flirting back. o.o; I didn't even realize that's what was going on....but then again, I don't know much about guys. When they ask me out/say they like me I just understand that's what was going on. I'm slow, though. >.>
Lets see, I got to help with mentally ill adults at church last night. That was a lot of fun. ^_^ I asked this one, Robyn, if I could share her bible and she got excited, she jumped up and was all "yea!!" It made me feel really special. ^^ I'm helping again on the 31st.
I start driver's training tomorrow, I'm...really scared about it. Wish me luck all.
CursedxHope: XD Yesterday, this girl knocked on my door for this petition like thing >_> for parents...who have children with 12 grade and under
CursedxHope: XD OMG
CursedxHope: She was all like "You're not still in high school are you?"
CursedxHope: I'm like "Umm...no, I haven't started yet. I'll be a freshman this year"
CursedxHope: XD She's like "WHOA! I thought you were in college. I guess that shirt doesn't help either" >_> she was talking about my Miami University shirt
KawaiiSarness: Ahs. o.o
CursedxHope: XD I was cracking up
CursedxHope: >_>
KawaiiSarness: I always laugh when people think I'm older
CursedxHope: >_> I hate it when they do that...they think I'm so much older
KawaiiSarness: Same same
KawaiiSarness: This guy once thought me and my brother were married and he was all "oh well, you all look the same until you get old anyway"
CursedxHope: XD
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[10 Jul 2004|10:13am] |
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Fehs at it not posting the first time.
I love you Onee-Chan! This layout looks awesome,arigatou. *Latches on* You're the bestest twinneh ever! n.n
*Coughs* Sos I wasall...dealing with junk just a couple days, demo I think I'm better now. ^_^ Thanks to those who put up with me. It means a lot.
1 #0v3 %05 P4#3 m5ff1n!^_^
I think that's it. oo;
Ja ne all.
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[10 Jul 2004|09:55am] |
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Yay, I loove you Onee-Chan! THis layout looks so awesome. n.n Thanks so much. *Huggles* You're thee bestest sisseh in the world, Lis!
*Coughs* Anyway, I feel a bunch better, and am myself now. I was goung through...something, as a couple of youknow, but it like stopped for the most part, and I'm really happy about that.Thanks to those who put up with me. ^_^ I think I'm all fixed now.
1 #0v3 %05 P4#3 m5ff1n! ^_^
Woot,l337 translator.n.n
Ano...I think that's about it.
Ja.
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| Personality Disorders |
[21 Jun 2004|01:34pm] |
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Disorder Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate
Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.
Schizotypal
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.
Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.
Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.
Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.
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[11 Jun 2004|03:47pm] |
Hey, so I’m all depressed again…I really don’t know why. So far I’ve hidden it well, but it’s starting to eat at me. Iono it’s complicated I suppose, but I’m tired of everything. The only people I really want to be around anymore are chat people. Sometimes not even them…but always Dale. I love you so much Dale… I think he’s the only one that hasn’t been getting to me lately. Actually no…Peeps and Dani-Chan haven’t either.
I’m sure Manuel can tell, talking to me and all. I stopped trying to pretend around him, it’s obvious in my tones anyway. I don’t know, he hasn’t mentioned it, I almost wish he did. I almost wish someone would have noticed. I want to stop acting happy for people but I can’t. It’s weird. It’s less for people to be concerned about…
Isn’t that odd too? No matter how empty I feel I still push people ahead of myself…like write now I’m fighting the urge to delete this. I don’t want to upset people…but I have the feeling that some of you would be happier knowing this than finding out I was hiding stuff. Actually it’s a fact…I know.
Maybe that’s just an excuse for me being selfish…and lazy. Tired of trying to keep things away, especially from Dale. He has the right to know, more than anyone else. I’m just glad I didn’t go back to old eating habits. I was close…But doesn’t that just show that I’m not really depressed?
I’m confusing myself so badly right now. Sometimes I want to block everyone out and just collapse in tears. Sometimes it’s not as bad… Like…I went to my friend’s house yesterday, and by the end of the day I was so tired of being there that I had to start play wrestling before she realized my distaste. I felt bad for that, she was nice and invited me over and such. I almost lied to get home earlier…how horrible is that?
I want to call my mom and cry in her arms…but I can’t… I want to call Dale and make him comfort me, but I can’t. I want to talk to JoJo or Peeps about it, but I can’t. All I want to do is make myself feel better and that’s so selfish of me. I know there are people much worse off and I have no reason to be the way I am, but…I can’t control it. If I could I would.
I feel so exhausted, physically as well as mentally. I want to sleep forever, almost. I still have people to take care of, though…I just pray I don’t snap and end up hurting someone. I need a simple answer right now.
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| More quizzes. ^_^;; |
[11 Jun 2004|03:44pm] |
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You're Oh! My Goddess' Belldandy! Sweet and honest to the bone! You genuinely care about others, but sometimes that can be a downfall because you wear your heart on your sleeve. On the other hand no one could have a more trustworthy friend!
This Quiz has been designed by Hen.
You are definitely a free-spirited, happy-go-lucky type of person. You probably enjoy being with people - small, or large groups. You probably prefer being with people than being solo, and you always know how to cheer people up (or how to let people cheer you up) One of your valuable traits: a very forgiving person! You should be portrayed as an anime character with a good, healthy personality, and who is never down. Examples: Kagome, Sakura, and Belldandy
This Quiz has been designed by Miss Marie Qiao-Chan.
Morpheus
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
You are: The Victorian Killer- YAY!!!!! WE ARE THE
SAME!!!!! ^^ You enjoy killing people with
knifes and axes and adore when you decapitate
someone. Sometimes you even use evil toys! ^-^
heheh...^^; But you only kill for revenge or
the fact that you lost it. Victorian killers
are usually related to malevolent children that
kill adults and are known to leave a bloody
mess. Anyways, when you kill someone it's for a
purpose or just for pure fun! lol
What kind of killer would you be?(Anime pics-girls)
brought to you by Quizilla
ROMANTIC ONE. The really most most most important
for you is that she/he is romantic. You love it
to get love letters, red roses and be in a
romantic atmosphere. He/She must make you think
that you are the most beautiful of all. When
he/she is romantic she/he has you got in his
hands. When he/she tells you all that he/she
feels for you ,you are devoted to him/her. At
this point you are easy to be tempt. Your heart
is soft and pure and you would never cheat as
long as you love your partner. But if he cheats
you, you are not hiding your feelings and show
how much she/he hurt you because you trusted in
him/her and never thought he/she could do this
to you.PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you
think about my quiz, I worked hard on it.You
can always message me or tell me how I can
improve that quiz. Ill sure write back.
~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla
you are Belldandy you cant controll your power that
much but you are very kind^-^Please rate my
quiz.
(A better)which anime girl do you act like the most ? by Jackie
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the light goddess you are very kind and
inoccent and try not let bad things happen to
your friends and your family you care for
people alot and like to get more friends and
meet new people good for you^^ and you have a
warm heart and alot of people like you for who
you are.rate my quiz.please
(A better) what Element goddess are you?(Please please rate)
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the brunette, with an amazing personality.
You like to have fun, fit in with the crowd,
and are more often than not you look your best
no matter what you are wearing! Your only down
side is you can be a bit stubborn in your ways,
so lighten up and listen to others once in a
while.
*What anime character and personality would you be?*
brought to you by Quizilla
You should be a redhead (if you aren't already).
You are crazy and have awhole lot of energy.
But you also get your feelings hurt easily.
Cheer up! We all love you!
*What color hair should you have(stereotypcally)? TAKE THE QUIZ!!!*
brought to you by Quizilla
*purple* ~Aum~ the crown chakra, SAHASRARA, is
located at the very top of the head. It
vitalizes our upper brain and promotes positive
thought patterns, inspiration and imagination.
In charge of our spiritual wellbeing, it makes
the connection between the higher self and the
cosmic forces. It constantly channels life
energy into our system and aligns and balances
all other chakras.
*what colour are you?*
brought to you by Quizilla
You are vanilla! The purest of them all!
*What Ice cream flava are you??*
brought to you by Quizilla
Godlike
*What Kind Of Person Are You?*
brought to you by Quizilla
Godlike
*What Kind Of Person Are You?*
brought to you by Quizilla
| SarBar's LJ stalker is ebil_psycho! | | ebil_psycho is stalking you because they think you are rich and they want your blingbling. They are also in jail for murder! |
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| ...Iono |
[10 May 2004|04:34pm] |
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I'm so tired right now...and I feel so weak. Personal relationships are getting harder to keep up and I just want someone to hold me and say it will be okay, right now. I don't remember ever being this stressed before, and I don't know what to do with myself now that I've gotten to this point. I'm at the verge of not caring about anything anymore, but I know I can't do that. I'd have to drop down and die first...which right now doesn't sound like such a bad idea excapt for the people I love...
I still need to solve Dan's problem, and cheer Rachel up, and figure out how to make Heather-May feel special again. Crystal's depressed and cutting, Erin's upset about something a girl said to her, Kunka got mad and yelled at Tom during lunch, another Tom is mad at Mitch, I can't find my English binder, I need to start job interviewing, and I don't kow what to say about my brother. Then there's this whole Bekkeh problem, and I think John is siding with her against me.
I'm just glad I can go back to my clubs and church...I think the stress would kill me without those, but Iono, they still may. I slept well the last couple nights, my dad bought me this tea stuff to help, but last night I was up until like three, just lying there holding back tears. It's stupid, though, there's nothing wrong with me...I'm the helper.
I told my dad about something that I felt last year, and told him I was over it, but the feeling's been coming back lately...I know it could lead into something really bad, but I don't have the strength to fix my friend's problems as well as worry about this. I don't look unhealthy anyway, so maybe I can wait until people start to notice, and then worry about it to save them the grief...but Iono, like I said I'm not strong enough. I feel so weak, physically and mentally...like any second I could just pass out. Thankfully I've never fainted. I'll figure it out eventually, I have other priorities, you know?
I shouldn't be posting this, really, I don't know why I am, people will just worry... Maybe I want someone to offer me the thing I need most. Iono, but all this time I just get further and further away from my relationship with God. I wish it would all end...I'm sure it's hard to understand me, I'll try to calrify. You know that feeling you get when you're falling? I like...constantly have it. Anyway, I'll figure something out.
-Ja ne
http://www.christianhardrock.net/listen2.asp?userid=66171
http://www.christianrock.net/listen2.asp?userid=66171
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| Updating? o.o; |
[07 Apr 2004|09:54am] |
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Swoosh; I got myself grounded for an ubber long time. I'm not sure I exactly get the punishment, but I can see why my dad was mad. I was too. I guess he made too big of a deal out of it, but Iono. I don’t really want to post it on this, I already feel so bad about it. I’m sure it was my fault. In a way I'm sort of enjoying all the free time I have now. I started reading a new manga; I.N.V.U. It's really good. Lets see...I read a bit of Kuro Kara, Slayers, Card Captor Sukura, Utena, and there was another one, I just can't think of it right now. It was Dragon Hunter, I believe, but I didn't like it that much. I miss Dale a lot, one of the biggest problems. And I can't go to after school things, even church! x.x;; That and chat were the first things I was grounded from. I think I'll call Dale soon, but I'll need a convenient time for him before I do. I don’t want to trouble him or anything, but I really do miss him. So…yea, I think that’s about it. *Pokes at it’s shortness.* Ano…I’ll try to be on during break next week if anyone feels like getting up early.
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| Iono... |
[07 Mar 2004|10:11am] |
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So I saw that “The Passion of Christ” movie two nights ago. It was absolutely the best movie I’d ever seen, and I cried for at least two hours. I felt horribly guilty as well…this woman passed out after about a third of the movie, and when this woman stood up and asked “is there a doctor in the house,” I got mad, thinking it was a cruel joke about what Daddy had to go through. Then when they turned on the lights and stopped the movie I was having trouble breathing because I was crying. I was diverting attention from her…I guess it’s kind of late to worry about that and all, but still…I hope she’s okay. I recommend the movie to whoever still reads my LJ.
I guess that’s my small problem… I remember one time when I was taking a shower and didn’t have the energy to stand up; I think I posted my worry about it. But anyway, since then I’ve been trying to eat more…it’s been really hard, but I want to do it for Dale, not just myself. I’m wondering now if it’s worth it, though…I mean…one time I told Jonathan (not Hostler) that you could see my ribs when I stretched…but now it’s like…just a small outline, and that makes me feel bad. I want to go back, but I know if I do I could really hurt myself. There’s something wrong with me… I keep asking God for strength and for help, but I feel like I’m not getting any. I know I should continue heading the way I am, but the trail is rocky, and there’s an easier one right next to it, taunting me. This is something a couple of bad written poems can’t fix, no matter how much I want them to. I don’t think it’s an eating disorder or anything, at least not a big one like anorexia or bulimia. I think I can overcome this if I keep Dale in mind, reminding myself that I don’t want to be a burden to him. I want to be as perfect to him as he is to me…
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| Happy Single's Awareness Day! |
[14 Feb 2004|06:41pm] |
So much has happened in the last few weeks. I’m not sure what to say about it all, though. Dale and I are stronger than ever, and I’m so glad for that. I love him more than I could ever be able to describe, and I know what we have is meant to be. If God put a person on earth for me to share my life with it’s him. I can’t explain how I know, but I do. It’s an exciting feeling to say the least. It’s like…every day is a thrill because I know I’ll get to talk to him. He told me he was selfish the other day because he wanted to keep me and my love for himself and not share it with anyone else. If it is than I am too. Basically I want us to be on some small undiscovered island where no one can come between us. But then again, I want to do what God calls me to, like helping people. Something I would not have the ability of on an island. I’m so tired of people trying to force us apart…A lot of my friend’s don’t approve because he’s “bad,” but he’s not. I wonder if anyone beside me and Anna really understands him. I think the thing that kept us from breaking up in the beginning was Anna…Just the fact that I know she and Dale understand each other and she likes the idea of us being together. We overcame that hurdle and everyone started to accept us, but then Manuel, an old boyfriend of mine, is telling me he loves me. He’s going out with one of my best friends, Lisa, though. The situation is really delicate, and I don’t really know if I’m doing the right thing. For some reason my life is starting to remind me of a shojo.
I’m leaving for Florida this Wednesday. I’m excited about that, but not. Ten days without Dale will be horrible, but want to go. From Florida we’ll be taking a cruise to Mexico. My small group leader will be on the ship too, and that will be fun. I’m glad I won’t be alone on it, plus I won’t have to be pale anymore. I mean…I’m lighter than my dad is.
Most likely I’m going to Korea for a month or two this summer. I’m afraid my family will hate me. You know, since I’m that “white” one. Everyone on my mom’s side is full Korean, and I fear they won’t respect me because I’m not. My dad thinks I’m being paranoid, but what if I’m not? What if everything turns out badly and I’m stuck for a month in a place I’m hated in? I think I’d rather not know about my family than know I’m disliked by them.
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| Stuff again |
[03 Jan 2004|07:47pm] |
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I just found out my boyfriend was asking out other people by a friend of mine. So, I'm kind of at a loss to my own feelings. I mean, the guy who told me I trust more than anyone else, probably. Not that I know why, I just do. Right now I'm confused, as a simple way to put it. I want to disbelieve my friend, seek comfort from others, be left alone to cry, and go off into a corner and die. Yet, I'm strangely calm; extremely tired, and curious, of course. I do want to yell at him, but I don't think I could gather up the strength to. I don't really feel like doing anything. Peach did cheer me up for a few minutes, but I feel worse than I had originally. I'm thankful for her doing that, though. I don't want to think about it, but I can't help it. All day I've been dwelling on it while trying to keep my mind off the subject. I'm going to break up with him, as I've been told he cheated on me by other friends and refused to listen to them. My own fault, really...Sometimes I can be so naieve and idiotic. I really shouldn't blame him for it, should I? He wasn't happy with me, I should've done something differently... He was so fun and romantic, I couldn't help but believe we would be together forever. I could actually picture us being married, if that shows how pathetic I am. It's probably a good thing though, I had thought doing missionary work in other countries. I was really questioning that when he was with me. I'll at least go to poor cities in America and help out...Maybe it's better for me anyway, not to be tied down. I'll have to see what happens when the time comes. I just hope I can continue to help people in the future.
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[28 Dec 2003|12:32pm] |
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O.o; I got bored waiting for Dale to come on.
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sarbar's journal
angry
